Remission...Such a Sweet Word!

Hi All!

Well, I just got off the phone with my Mum and her cancer is in remission! They are going to do two more chemo treatments just to be sure, but then she won't have to come back for 3-6 months. This will enable them to move to Belize like they planned.

Thanks so much to everyone for all your warm wishes, thoughts and prayers.

XOXOXO

Lo.


Currently listening:
Dog Eared
By Cerveris
Release date: By 24 February, 2004

Calexico and Iron and Wine

Went to a great show last night with Hugues at the Spectrum! For those of you who haven't heard of Calexico....please visit them here --------->Calexico on myspace.com A great mix of many styles of music making them as per their website- "a band that defies categories".

Anyway, it was amazing....Iron and Wine were very good too...although the crowd at that kind of show annoys the shit outta me. We got yelled at by a lesbian couple for talking! If you want quiet....go see a movie or a tennis match. We were slightly drunken so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and venture to say that we might have been slightly obnoxious. Still I felt slightly embarrassed and annoyed for being chastised for talking at a show. I felt a little like my 4th grade teacher had just caught me passing notes.

Actually, the drunkenness really kicked in as I was about to leave...Hugues was the intelligent one who took a cab....but I decided to stagger the 3km to my house. It was bloody cold so there was no one out...and I guess I was snapping pictures all the way cause I had a bunch of weird photos on my camera today. Here's one of my looking slightly ornery...I looked around today to make sure I didn't steal any lawn ornaments on the way home cause I woke up with a headache and a vague memory of plastic geese...



Currently listening:
Cure for Pain
By Morphine
Release date: By 14 September, 1993

Rob Szabo and Only Forward at the Yellow Door

What a great show at the Yellow Door Cafe tonight! There were so many people there in such a small space...it was a little difficult for me....being socially awkward and all...but it was a great time. Rob Szabo is a new favorite...his music is so honest and quirky and cool that I got tears in my eyes a few times while he was playing. It was just so great to see an artist have such a bloody good time playing and to beat all he is super nice with a smile that is completely disarming. Smiling and teary I was...(Yes, I know I'm a weirdo)

Only Forward had some great sounds. A very marketable band and I expect they will do very well if they can keep it up. I can see many a screaming teenage girl in their future. I mean this in a very positive way....their songs were very melodic and memorable..and their talent seemed to match their good looks.

To top all this I finally got to meet Emma (Folk You!) and she's an amazing girl. She's so damn cute! Please add her and check out her music page. There's so much great music there it might keep you busy forever.



Ok. enough of my nightly rambling. Talk soon!

xoxox

Lo.

Raptor Cookies and Falling Trees

The title says it all and I don't care to expound at this point. I may be on my way back to Montreal in a week. My Mum is doing really well. Thanks for all your warm wishes and prayers.

My Beautiful Mother

We learned a few days ago that my beautiful Mother, who is one of the kindest souls on the planet, has lymphoma. Whether you are a friend, a fan, or just someone who wound up here by accident....please pray that she gets better. All religions and warm wishes welcome...we need all the positivity we can get. I have moved back to the US to help as much as I can.

xoxoxo
Lo.

Lindy

Thanks to Trevor for turning me on to Lindy....a singer/songwriter from Toronto. I saw him live on Friday night at the Club Soda here in Montreal. He has the most amazing voice....like honey dripping off of a razor blade. Sweet enough to melt you right to your soul then splintering into tiny metal shards that make your stomach flutter and your skin react. I was completely mesmerized. Coupled with the addition of solid bass lines and harmonies from Sally, this is an act made in heaven. If all this isn't enough....the guy writes amazing songs that go strait to your head. My single complaint about the show was that he should have been headlining. I suppose that it is better to sparkle brilliantly at the beginning and leave others to fail to shine at the end.

Here's a pic Lindy and Sally were nice enough to pose for before packing up for the night.

Sick of Myself

I think the reason I'm in a songwriting slump is that I'm really sick of myself. I need a vacation away from the spoils of being me. It's unfortunate that the only way to really do this is through the use of drugs and copious amounts of alcohol...although a good out of body experience might work. If you have any ideas please let me know. In the meantime...here's a pic of Don Alan and I at a Halloween party in the mid 90's. He looked hot in my clothes!

Blog By Phone

Top Monthly Search Words for Lobelia.Net

I don't know why I find search terms....Especially the weird ones, so bloody fascinating. It's interesting to see what brings people to visit me. I'm now up to over 650,000 hits on my site in the last 5 years. That's a lot for a small time songwriter from the hills of West Virginia!

lobelia sabo
man with one testicle
lobélia
tapazole and nightmares
solitary world lobelia
eyes
pictures of stripper poles
heather keechel (my cousin who works at Disney)
graves disease
wv songs

It was a disappointing day otherwise, some things fell through and however hard my spirit wants to rally and move forward....these kind of things can really steal your momentum. I have to admit that a long phone chat with an old friend made the day worthwhile...just hearing his voice after so long was so comforting and cool. I almost forgot that I have a cold and feel like hell! XOXOX to you darlin' for making me feel better! Merci.

that's all for now...nite nite

Tour Talk

Hey there!

Today was productive with a lot of Springtime '06 tour talk going down! We're in the planning stages of a very scaled down but ambitious tour from East to West in the U.S. and West to East in Canada featuring the best guitar player ever (Don Alan Evosirch)...although I've been informed by my manager that the earth is flat so I need to be careful...

We would like to book shows with a band from each city so if any of you are interested in doing a show with us...please shoot us an email.

Another Birthday, Oy Veg.

Soooooooo.........here it is.....another birthday!  Woke up to some really nice ecards from Elle and GB, as well as some virtual roses from Tyson. Elle cancelled all her morning clients at the salon to come and spend the first part of the day with me!  Fun times were attained as we had breakfast and went shopping for this year's Birthday hat.  Elle got me lots of presents....including a gorgeous necklace, a hot looking shirt, and my new desk friend Penelope Pen. (shown below).  I am a great lover of unusual flowers....(the stranger the better) so Cris had the local florist make me an arrangement of unusual delights.

Penelope the Bird Pen

The Birthday Bitch

Elle and I

Birthday Chapeau

Stange and Beautiful Flowers

Hi-Yah!

Portneuf, Charlie, et Mes Parents

Hello there!

It's been a while since my last update. I've been really busy with visitors and everything in between. Last week my parents and I traveled to the Northeast of Montreal to the Reserve Faunique de Portneuf. It was so beautiful there! We stayed in a little cabin with non-potable cold water, no electric and an outhouse! I haven't done anything like that in a long time. We did have a woodburning stove and propane lighting and a propane cook stove.

We met a little pine squirrel who Papa named Charlie. Charlie was in and out of our cabin 20 times a day begging for food. He dined on pistachios, wheat crackers, and soy chips. As you can see from the photo...Charlie has carved a niche for himself in the country cottage market....and does not go hungry! Here are some of the sights!

Charlie


Mr. Frog

Papa's Giant Fish

Lac Bellevue

The Cabin

The Bear Scratching Post

Du Repos Cabin

My Parents

The River

We had such a great time! Hopefully they will return again soon!

FOKM, Hotel Morgan and a Broken Ankle.

Hi there People!

Ahhhhhhhhh. Back in Montreal to stay for a while. I've missed it here although I've been having some exciting adventures in the world. Dan and I worked really hard at the studio trying to finish up some songs and then I flew home for a day before leaving to go to my hometown....Morgantown, WV.

My first Demo with my band as well as my first solo Demo were recorded by Kim Monday. Kim has been a fixture in the Morgantown music scene for many years. He ran his own studio, repaired instruments for Fawley's Music as well as playing in a myriad of great bands around town. He's a terrific guy who has dedicated his whole life to music, friends and family and so the foundation (FOKM pronounced "FOCKEM") was set up to try and give a little back to someone who has done so much for others. The foundation was able to raise enough money to help Kim live out one of his lifelong desires....to retrace the roots of the beatles. This goal was kept secret for over a year and Kim was asked to play a show at the Rosewood Theatre, where he was presented with the tickets to London for he and his wife, and over $2000 to help with expenses! I'm sure he had to wonder what was going on since there were so many of us in town that he hadn't seen for a long time....but in the end I hope he was surprised.

Here are some pics from the show....



I stayed at the famous Hotel Morgan...often when the letters would "mysteriously" burn out in the right sequence....this is what you would see. Additionally there is a place in town where you can stand for this view...


Songbird Deb Sbarra and Singer/Songwriter Shannon Brown


Owen Davis


Kim Monday, Owen Davis, Mark Poole..and a drummer I don't know...(sorry)


Kitty says..."Damn! That's one good margarita!"


Owen Davis and the Free Hummus All Stars


Corey Bicanich...that's a cool shirt BTW


Robert and Paula


Mark Poole


Kevin Ford and Bob Williams


Brian Porterfield

I had such a great time seeing everyone. I had fallen and hurt my ankle in a restaurant the night the Elle picked me up from the airport. I thought at first it was just a bad sprain and so I went ahead and drove the 12.5 hours to Morgantown. After the swelling started going down I notices an annoying and painful clicking that had begun, as well as the pain increasing. I was able to see my old orthopedist in Morgantown and he did some x-rays and told me that I had separated the same bone that I broke last time as well as tearing a ligament. Fun fun fun. Now I am in an aircast for 6 weeks. I'm just glad that I got to go home...and everything worked out. I drove on to my brother's place before finally driving home on Thusday......Happy Birthday to Elle....it was Friday last. XOXOXO

Back at the Studio

So I was surprised to be called back out to the studio after having spent 3 weeks here so recently....but when duty calls.... We've been getting in some serious hours which is great although some of our work is evolving very slowly.

Back to Montreal on Wednesday and then on to Motown on Friday! I need a rest! Miss you all and see you soon.

XOXOXO

Ron Show, Happy 4th. or I May be a Schmuck Cause I Still Don't Know How Many Licks it Takes to Get to the Center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop

Hi there. Happy 4th to all my American Comrades. Went to a 4th of July cookout at Noelle and Sebastien's place and it was very fun. Thanks for the invite guys!

On Saturday, Brad and I attended the Ron Sexsmith show at the Spectrum. It was as usual, completely awesome. The opener was a band called the Alex Cuba Duo. Check them out they are so great! I won't bore you guys with my banter on the Ron show as I've been recently told that I talk way toooo much about Ron shows on my blog and that I should branch out and see some other bands. Point well taken and I will take that into consideration. Thanks for your concern....now piss off. (only kidding)

I've always known that I was a bit of a schmuck....but I may have blamed someone for something that they didn't do. See, I blamed a friend whom I hadn't seen in 10 years for bashing me incognito for some silly comments about George Bush that I posted on my blog. I have come to believe that this person may not have been the perpetrator...although he may have turned into a bit of a fiscal republican in the last 10 years....:-) The old ass outta you and me thing still holds true these days. Remind me to remember not to assume anything....OK? I have a habit of thinking I'm more clever than I really am. So B., if you are not the Downtown troll that I though you were...I am sorry! Forgive me. If I was right all along, this might be a good chance for you to deny making me feel like an idiot. :-)
A one, a twwwwwwwwoooooo, a thhhhhhhhhhhreeeeeeeeeee. The world may never know.

Working, playing, and bug reporting for the bug reporter

It's been a while since I posted....I've been so busy. It seems strange to say that I have been doing nothing but writing and playing music and I have absolutely no time left in the day for anything else. Everything seems to be happening at once and it's great! I'm getting some terrific hits on my stuff from some television producers in NYC and was asked to submit for a crime drama and a comedy that will air next season. Alternately, I've been asked to try and write some stuff for a great talent...Bahia Check her out...you won't believe your ears. She has one of the most gorgeous voices I've ever heard. (and she's beautiful too~)

Blah, blah, blah. Moi, moi, moi. What's going on in your universe?

I'll leave you with the Microsoft error to end all errors. You know when a program craps out in windows and good 'ol microshaft asks you if you want to do their job for them and send an error report? Well, this is the message that you get when the ERROR REPORTING SOFTWARE GETS AN ERROR. Then they have the balls to ask if you want to report the error for the debugger. If the computer hadn't locked up I would have been curoius what the next message would have been. Maybe something like this...

The Dr.Watson Postmortem Debugger Debugger is Buggered. We're sure that you have lost time and important information and that this is not the first time. Still we are sorry for the inconvenience. (Bill makes us say that)

Please report this error to Bill. WE are tired of dealing with this shit.
We have created an error report that will help us determine how we can improve Dr.Watson's Postmortem Debugger Debugger. Please be advised that we will will consider this report an attack on our programming skills and will retaliate with lots of Cialis and Penile Enlargement spam. Have a great day and don't forget to buy the next version of Windows.



XOXOXOXO Lo.

Fender Rhodes!

wow! check out this cool vintage keyboard that Dan aquired for the studio. the piano tuner came today and worked on it a bit and it sounds great through the Marshall!



A bit more recording tomorrow and then home James!

Dale Williams, Gin and Tonics and Dancin' the Two Step with a Dude Named EJ

It's not all work here at the studio....we try to have as much fun as possible.
We went to Omaha on Friday night to go out with some friends...it was a blast and I have to say I overindulged in alchoholic delights. I won't be doing that again anytime soon. :-P



Last night we went to a bar in West Point to see Dale Williams...he's a great singer/songwriter that records here quite a bit. He's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and very talented!

Dale Williams Website

So, during Dale's first set I was verbally accosted by some dude named EJ who proceeded to drag me out onto the dance floor to do the two step. There was a slight problem with this as I have NO bloody IDEA how to two-step! He proceeded to tell me then that he was horny, and not to worry he was a nice guy and wouldn't grab my boob. (much to my relief and so glad he was thoughtful enough to specify which part) Later he asked me to dance again but I declined telling him that we were about to head out. He then told me that "IN AMERICA WE SAY "OWT" AND NOT "OOT" YOU DUMB CANADIAN LOSER" Needless to say, this was the sure sign for me that the night was over and that I should leave before the boob grabbing American English lessons began. (I'm from WV for fooks sake, I think I have that American English thing covered) It made for an interesting evening anyway. :-)
Back on Thursday! Have a great week!

Whoohooo! Bring on the Recording Contract!

Haven't signed anything yet but spent the afternoon going over some details. Looks like an exciting week all the way 'round. Emma-Lee met 50 Cent and I'm sure that something equally exciting happened to Elle. It's in the stars dahling.

Vicky Day 2005! Or Breakfast w/ the Star, Stuffed Roosters, Ron Sexsmith, the Uncool and a Tall French Bee

Hi there! How's everyone....or rather the 5 of you who read this blog on a regular basis? Had lots of fun on Vicky Day this year! Went to Ottawa, (I was an Ottawa vierge)with my favorite star Elle. We saw Ron Sexsmith with band at the Tulip Fest and although it was a dreary day it was brightened by a great crowd, company and great music!

Here's a short film on the subject...

Vicky Day 2005











Take care of Montreal while I'm gone. Off to the studio tomorrow. See you on the 9th!
XOXOX

Some Days Are Just Made for Puddin'

....be nice if I had some.

What brings people to your site? (If someone asks me to define people again I just might kill.)

I was just going through my monthly stats and got a good laugh out of some of the search words that brought visitors to my site. Here are some of my favorites.

testicle man
the blue and the grey
granny planet
little grave
lobélia
lobelia is god
above photo topless

Have a good weekend!

Friday the 13th! Mwahaahaaahaa

Anything interesting going on in the world of people? I didn't leave the house today so the likelihood of something bad happening to was cut down considerably.

Tell me stories. I miss you all. Where are my people? I used to have people. Now all I have is toadboy and Mr. X.

Advance Fee Fraud ( Musicians Beware)

Scams are constantly getting more innovative...this one targeting musicians is one that I have never seen before until I received this e-mail a few days ago. You'd think with all this trouble that people go to that they would learn to spell. (alright downtown, no comments from the penis gallery...) I thought that I would e-mail the chick back even though I thought it had to be some kind of scam...I mean when the e-mail is from Deborah Jones, starts out with "Good Day", is full of mistakes and bad grammar, and is signed Lateefah....light bulbs should be going off... right?

The emails:

On 5/9/05, Deborah Jones
wrote:

Good day,

I read all your , discovery with past events and I
was pleased with it.Love your muziq very well.There
will be a Get Together @ Helotes Lions Club, 14690
State Hwy 16 N, Helotes, Texas 78023-0424 in the month
of JUNE which we have'nt really choosen a date.To
plan ahead and print our IV , i want to know which day
and date you will be free to play on the event so we
can talk about duration,charges & deposit needed.

Your urgent responce is needed.
Lateefah.

Find local movie times and trailers on Yahoo!
Movies.
http://au.movies.yahoo.com

Find local movie times and trailers on Yahoo! Movies.
http://au.movies.yahoo.com

--- Lobelia Sabo wrote:

Hi Lateefah,

I thank you for your mail and the kind words on my music. You do know that I am located in Montreal, Quebec? My out of the country fees for shows must include airfare and accommodation. Please let me know if you are still interested.

Warm regards,

Lobelia

From: Deborah Jones
Date: May 10, 2005 6:26 PM
Subject: Re: booking
To: Lobelia Sabo


Thanks for the responce which was higly appreciated
when recieved.I and fellow organisers voted and you
stand a great chance to perform at the Get Together
coming up on Saturday 25th June which is 11days after
Flag Day [USA].

The sum of $6,000 will be issued and sent by one of
our volunteers who also happens to me one of our guest
of honor at the occasion.Payment will be in cashier's
cheque and immediately you recieve the cheque and you
acknowledge the reciept,i will give you information &
instructions on how the excess money can be sent over
to a traveling agency in UK who will be in charge of
getting tickets for our MC & few guests who are
students.

To send the money,i will forward to you the
information and instructions on how the money can be
sent over to the travelling agent through western
union money transfer.

Kindly send me your full name and address so the
payment can be issued and sent to you asap while IV
arrangements commence immediately.

Lastly,let me know how much you will be deducting from
the $6,000 so i can have my collegues know the balance

Lateefah.

So what I did was log in to my spamcop account (sign up it's free) and searched for only the email address. I was then provided with the abuse addresses to whom forwarded the correspondence with "Advance Fee Fraud" in the subject. This should get "Debbie Jones" shut down at that address pretty quickly. It's important to do this because she has probably sent a lot of other people the same mail. They emailed me back almost immediately to tell me that they are investigating the matter and to give me the tracking number. It's so great that they are so on the ball!

But I just couldn't resist and had to send Lateefah another e-mail...

Hi Lateefah,

Thank you for your response. I visited the Lions Club of Helotes'
website today but did not find your name in the list of club
officers/contacts. The address was listed as 14690 Bandera Rd....has
that changed since you sent me the email?

My fee for US shows is indeed $6000. This leaves nothing for the
travel agents in the UK I afraid. Can you tell me the theme of your
get together at the Lions Club? I could find nothing about it on the
web.

Thanks,

Lobelia

I'll keep you posted!
XOXOX

Website Wonky, Email Wonky, This Day is Possessed

OK, so I finally discovered that somehow my webspace was limiting itself to 50mb, which threw it into total chaos mode...thinking it was 512% over capacity. With that fixed it will now take 2 hours before I can re FTP the files so the front page of my site looks a little funny. Funny haha not funny queer. mmmhmmm. Also my email is being selective about who it decides to deliver and who it decides to send off into dead email office somewhere off of information highway 62. So if you want to contact me....please use.... "myfirstname"."mylastname"@gmail.com

You can insert the Lobelia Sabo right?

Great. Hope your day is going better than mine.

SWAK.

My Giant Head and I Say Help Fix CanCon! (Don't make me come over there!)

Help get great indie artists onto Canadian radio!

Read about it and sign the petition!!!!

Quicken 2005 Sucks

The following is a scathing email that I sent to intuit today in regards to Quicken 2005...
I wasted my money by buying the 2005 version. I'm sure I'm not the first to complain that not allowing us to import qif files to checking and savings accounts is an absurd addition to the new version of quicken. Users are complaining about this all over the net. I have a small bank in a rural area of the US and have no intentions of changing my account to someone who is Quicken compliant as per your suggestions. Sounds like you are trying to force customers as well as financial institutions to comply with your software design or be locked out. Don't you think this is an unfair trade practice? Why not offer both qif downloads and OFX and QFX formats? Eventually technology will catch up with our financial institutions and they will comply with the new format. Until then it seems we are stuck with software that is useless to us. I'm very unhappy and will make sure to express my displeasure to anyone else who might be thinking of buying your product. Kudos on getting my money for a product that will sit on the shelf unused. I wish I had read the 93 amazon.com reviews before I purchased as 68 people gave you 1 star out of 5. (Don't get too excited, the worst is 1)

The idea in updating products is to make software better and more usable for the clients. In a perfect world, everyone would move a bit faster in updating technologically speaking....However does anyone really expect my little TINY bank in WV to change the whole format of their online banking....(which by the way hasn't existed for that long) because Quicken says so? That's a bunch of crap if you ask me! (to use the technical vernacular)

additionally, they have stopped updating prior versions of the product in order to try and coerce (force) their customers to buy the new version. Can you imagine the pistivity of those customer who bought the new version only to realize that they can't use it?????

Bad Intuit, BAD! You deserve a serious spanking! Often and from someone who knows how!

I'm not alone!
Amazon Customer Reviews

Grave's Disease

According to my web stats....I had over 300 hits on my site this month from people looking for information on Grave's Disease. Search phrases like:
sadness graves disease
financial help with children who have graves disease
will my anxiety go when I have rai treatment

It really makes me sad to think of all the people out there dealing with this highly misunderstood disorder. I was told for years by doctors that I was a hypochondriac and that there was nothing the matter with me. When I found the National Grave's Disease Foundation I was so relieved to know that I was not the only one going through all these feelings and problems and it really helped me make a decision to have surgery instead of RAI. I had to fight hard for that choice because surgery is not the standard treatment in the US.

The first thing to know is that Grave's Disease is NOT a thyroid disorder. It is an autoimmune disease that can cause a thyroid disorder. The following is an explanation from the Mayo Clinic Website
Graves' disease is the most common form of hyperthyroidism.(This is a rare disease that tends to affect women over the age of 20. The incidence is about 5 in 10,000 people) Normally, the immune system protects the body against viruses, bacteria, and foreign substances. In Graves' disease, the immune system mistakenly attacks the thyroid gland, causing it to overproduce the thyroid hormone, thyroxine, which causes a number of symptoms. This autoimmune response can also affect the tissue behind the eyes (Graves' ophthalmopathy) and the skin on the lower legs and feet (Graves' dermopathy).

The best advice that I can give all of you is to find a good doctor who LISTENS to you. I don't care how long it took you to get an appointment with the endocrinologist; If he doesn't listen to you and your concerns and fears then find another. It will make all the difference in your life and in the outcome of treatment. Take control and do not let anyone tell you no. Here are some other things that you can do to help.

1. Stop eating processed food if you can. Cook fresh healthy choices that stay away from preservatives and too much salt.(extra protein can help but stay away from too much fat)

2. Watch your milk intake as well as your consumption of anything with red dyes.

3. Stop Smoking

4. Do whatever you need to do to cut back on your stress levels until treatment. I cut my work down to part-time and eventually quit until I got the disease under control. I realize that most of you will not have this luxury but there are always little things you can do. Your partner, family, or roommates can really help by taking some of your at home tasks for a while.

5. Try Yoga! You will sleep and feel better. I use a set of DVD's from Yoga Zone. They offer box sets for different workouts that will really leave you feeling relaxed and strong!
Yoga Zone Box Set at Amazon.com


5. Get at least 8 hours of rest per night. I realize that some of you probably aren't sleeping well. Even if you are not sleeping...force yourself to go to bed and let your body relax.
I stayed on Beta Blockers for almost 3 years and that was too long! I had to wean myself off the things.

I'll remind all of you that I am not a medical professional so all the thoughts and advice contained herein are derived solely from personal experience. Lastly, I will post the narrative that I wrote a few days after my surgery. It's pretty dramatic as all the experiences and feelings were so fresh. Also it was honestly the first time since I was a child that I had really felt good. I take that for granted now...that I can run up 4 flights of stairs and not feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I still have recurrences when I get stressed...it's nothing compared to before. Please feel free to email me if you have comments or concerns.

My Choice

I have had Grave's disease since I was about nine years old. It became active after a period of stress in my life at that time and has gone into remission twice. In 1998, after a remission of eight years, my Grave's returned with a vengeance. Keep in mind that when Grave's returned I didn't see it. Although I had already had the disease for 16 years, it was still undiagnosed.

It makes people angry when I tell them that I felt relieved when I found out about my Grave's. I don't mean to imply that Grave's is nothing to worry about. I'm the first to admit that it can be scary as hell. Every person living with Grave's has his or her own story. I just mean that the moment I knew I had the disease, I also knew that I was not crazy, manic depressive, sexually dysfunctional, a hypochondriac, and hosting a myriad of psychotic eating disorders that prompted comments from unfeeling individuals like "She must really overeat" and "She's probably got AIDS…nobody loses weight that fast." At that moment I began to chip away at the layers of my life and find the real me beneath the rubble.

So what do you do after diagnosing yourself with Grave's disease? Yes that's right, we diagnosed my Grave's via Internet research after my boyfriend commented on the ever-increasing mass of my lower neck. I was ignoring the goiter although I had noticed it months ago…. I concluded that it must be cancer and if it was cancer it was better that I not know for sure. At 25, I was a mess. I mean, I already had high blood pressure, osteoporosis, a weak left kidney, and a heart that rattled away like the little drummer boy on crack. Cancer really didn't seem so far-fetched at that point you know? After reasoning with me that it was an awfully uniform swelling in my neck and probably not cancer, we began to think about the thyroid. It was something I knew a little about already, two of my Aunt's already had problems, and one had Grave's and the other nodules. I don't know why until that night it really never dawned on me that it was Grave's…but after staring at the computer screen in awe for about an hour, we realized that I had fourteen out of the listed fifteen symptoms. I felt relieved. (I'm not crazy) I started to cry. (Why is this happening?) I got scared. (Am I going to die from this?) I got angry. (After all the money I spent, weeks in the hospital, why haven't I been diagnosed before now?) I made doctors appointment. (I've got to be sure)

You know that feeling when you are sitting across from a new doctor and telling him or her your whole medical history (or a brief summary thereof that can be squeezed into the ultra tight space that is darting eyes, watched clocks and intermittent sighs?) Or what about the moment when you explain that you have this disease and you and your boyfriend diagnosed it on the internet and your whole life makes sense now and you've stopped taking the antidepressants and …wait…uh-oh…. You've lost him…he's not listening…you've been discredited now…. You mentioned self-diagnosis…the Internet…. He's drifting…the fact that red cool-aid and milk make you have an anxiety attack…he's now concluded that your either crazy, manic depressive, sexually dysfunctional, a hypochondriac, or hosting a myriad of psychotic eating disorders that will certainly prompt rude comments from copious outsiders. Or perhaps you get lucky; this is a student doctor. Still learning, this person does a lot of research on the Internet…not afraid of computers…knows about nutrition…(Hmm…. yes, milk contains iodine, people with thyroid disorders are often sensitive to food or drinks with red dyes) Maybe after 5,10,15,or even 20 blood tests or years or suggestions, your tests come back. "This is consistent with Grave's", your doctor says. Surprise, surprise.

Ok, this is you. This is you with Graves. This is you on propylthiouricyl, tapazole, methiamazole, atenolol, valerian, yarrow, bugleweed and open to suggestion. This is you with nightmares, sweats, shakes, heart palpitations, muscle weakness, fits of rage, seas of sadness, depths of depression. This is you when your skin darkens and peels and you just spent a whole day just trying to get out of bed. This is you when none of the medications work. "Radioactive iodine", says the endocrinologist that it took you five months to get an appointment with. "Don't worry", he says. "It's not invasive. Nuclear medicine will prepare a dose of RAI and come out in protective suits and you'll have to flush three times after you go to the bathroom, and stay away from children and women, and eat with plastic picnic ware, and then if we have administered the right dose your thyroid will eventually die, could be a year, could be three months, we could give you to much or to little, may have to dose you up to three times, you will probably end up hypothyroid and have to be on medication for the rest of your life, there have been studies done that claim that RAI worsens Grave's eye disease, but it's non-invasive. We highly recommend it. We've dosed hundreds, thousands, even millions of patients with RAI. I suggest we administer treatment right now", my doctor says. I scream inside. No one is here with me. I feel cold suddenly. I don't want to make this decision right now. But he has told me that I am in the last stage of Grave's. That it could take my life at any time. God help me, I don't know what to do. Back to the Internet. My old friend. If you can help me diagnose, surely you can help me treat. I make an appointment for the RAI in the meantime. I drive home thinking about glowing in the dark and feeling like I already do.

Weeks pass and I am still undecided. My appointment for the RAI treatment is just around the corner but I don't feel good about it. I read on the Internet that the U.S. is one of the only countries that uses RAI as the preferred method of treatment after medication. This scares me. Amazing as the U.S. medical system is in my mind I just keep thinking about Fen fen. I read more letters from others that have had RAI. 75% are negative reviews. Common phase usages like trial and error, started to feel better after 6 months, and having trouble getting my levels adjusted are a common vein in all these letters. I call my Endo and tell him nogo. I want to have the surgery.

Blood tests, blood tests blood tests. Mom's are pulling their children out of my path at the grocery store and staring at my arms in disgust. I feel like a human pincushion. "We have to get your thyroxin levels down in order to administer the anesthetic", says my surgeon. It's another month of waiting and taking one of those medications that my body rejects. I've taken to not sleeping much. I think that I'm afraid that I won't wake up again. I stay up all night and redesign my website with a blue water droplet background that reminds me of tears.

I am in a clean white room with people talking softly to me. At least that’s what the "Guide to Surgery at Somememorialhospital says. Instead I am in a clean white room about to go under fighting with the assistant surgeon whom I have never met about whether this is a total or subtotal thyroidectomy. " Dr Soandso told me you were going to leave part of my thyroid if it is undamaged I say…. To increase my chances of having a normal level and staying off the medication!" I'm going to start crying soon and my boyfriend almost passes out. Who is this guy? Who are the 27 other people in the room? What am I doing here?(yawn) Why didn't they make Barbie's ankles bendable like her knees so you could let her wear flats as well as heels?(eyes close) Oh, she had tennis shoes but (going)…you know(going)…..they..never fit quite…r..i..g..h..t*.(gone)

I wake up feeling cold….I must have said so because nurses surround me from every side wrapping hot towels around me until I must look like a little mummy in new bandages. My throat hurts…not at the incision site but like I have strep throat or something. "It's from the oxygen tube", the nurse says and I go back to sleep listening to my family whispering to one another about how beautiful I look although I just had surgery and my boyfriend is commenting on the ringlets of my hair spilling across the pillow and I'm reminding myself to thank God for them the moment I'm a little more coherent.

I left the hospital the following day. They gave me a prescription for Percaset but I never filled it. My senses were so sharp and I wanted to keep them that way. I felt as if I had been wearing a veil my entire life and now that veil had been lifted. I felt rational and happy and energetic, and blessed. It's been over a week and I still feel that way. Perhaps it's a miracle, perhaps it's luck, and perhaps it's a psychosomatic reaction because I made my own choice as to the treatment I wanted and am too stubborn to feel anything but good. Perhaps it doesn't even matter. Knowing that I made the right decision for me has made all the difference.

I wish you all happiness, love, faith, guidance and above all, health!

Update: 2002 Well here I am, feeling great, almost back to my normal weight and although I have to take the replacement meds, I've had no side effects. I realize now how much Grave's controlled my life, and also how much I let it. I hope that I always feel this good. :-) Be well.


Did you know...
13 million Americans have a thyroid disorder and more than half of them are not aware of it. Only one-fourth of 1% of the population of the US has Graves' Disease!
for more information on grave's disease click here------------> >National Grave's Disease Foundation

XOXOXOXOX

Lobelia

Swiss Trip Part One. Raindrops on Murren and Whiskers on Stewardesses

We had a direct flight from Montreal to Zurich. The gate was in a part of the Montreal airport which I have never seen and which reminded me of an old school. It looked as if it was built in the 60's or 70's and never updated.



(Bitchy rant #1)
Coach class was being handled by several very tall, very dramatic "women" with over the top hairstyles and man hands. I found this very interesting and intriguing until we encountered some somewhat violent turbulence during the flight. The "stewardesses" then yelled over the intercom in quavering falsetto for everyone to return to their seats immediately. I thought the idea was to CALM the masses during a flight. The plane was squeaking and rocking and yet there was no one to soothe us with the speech that tells everyone "we are just experiencing some turbulence" and not to worry. The lack of this one deed caused people on the plane to scream during the next dip. They screamed! Any kind of screaming from adults during a flight causes a certain amount of panic....even in the very calm. KUDOS to SwissAir for equal opportunity employment.....but for Christ's sake can you train your employees to tone down the DRAMA just a few decibels????

1. Zurich
We arrived in Zurich on the 30th of March. We had a reservation at the Hotel Otter which turned out to be a "raver" hotel. Zurich is touted as being the new Berlin soo.........there was a party till all hours at the Wuste bar downstairs. Incidentally we had jet lag and woke up starving at 1am with no food or hope for any food till morning.. so it didn't really matter anyway. All the rooms at this hotel had a theme and we were in the Pur Pur room. It was all in pink satin. Quite a sight. The included breakfast was amazing though. they made us up little plates of food....3 different cheeses and croissant, French bread and rolls covered in pumpkin seeds, 2 different types of jam, coffee and orange juice. Delicious!







we visited the Zurich Zoo during our short stay....I'm not usually a fan of Zoos as I fell that the animals never truly have enough room and often inadequate environments, but the Lonely Planet guide assured me that the zoo was roomy. All in all it wasn't bad...however the camel and the rhino seemed particularly pissed.

Pacing Rhino Video
Pissed-Off Camel Video
(BTW, these files are a few megs each..so be patient)

We also ran across a crazy bird that was singing in the Zurich streets long after dark.
Nightbird Video



Tiger in the midst of eating the remains of an American tourist


Little Leopard in a hollow tree

2. Bern (Mittelhausern) with Mark and Susanna Riese and Vita and Johannes

We were then off to stay with some friends that Chris had met and been roommates with during his 5 years in Switzerland. We enjoyed a terrific fondue (my first true Swiss fondue) and hung out with Johannes and Vita. The company and food were both amazing (Mark and Susanna are vegetarian yipppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeee) and we really enjoyed the community where they live. Such a quaint little train station and community with a great view of the mountains. We went on a little hike out behind their house. It really made me want to move there! Johannes is really into pirates and knights and he and his friend Andrew had Piratenfests out in the back yard toting wooden swords and drinking water as if it were rum!


The Riese Family...Bern


In the gardens of the PDC..Bern


silhouette at the top of the hill in Mittelhausern


3. St. Imier valley with Pierre and Giselle Vorpe

This turned out to be one of my favorite parts of the trip. Not only because Pierre and Giselle were so nice...but also because the area was so beautiful. Giselle was also a wonderful cook and hostess and we had some terrific food as well as a raclette...which was my first. Pierre is an engineer and we all really had some terrific conversations.


The Inner Cloister at the St. Ursanne monastery


Giselle and I at St. Ursanne


Cris, Giselle and Pierre

4. Mürren (Gimmelwald and Lauterbrunnen)

Although Murren has some of the best landscapes in Switzerland..it was my least favorite place that we visited on the trip. Partially because I didn't like our room at the Eiger Guesthouse, and partially because the weather did not cooperate during our stay. The first day was absolutely beautiful...but then we had rain on the 2nd day and lots of snow (20cm) on the 3rd and 4th days. We walked around 15k on the second day but couldn't traverse some of the trails due to mud slides and such. We walked down to Gimmelwald and then took the Funi back to Murren. After lunch we made our way to Lauterbrunen which was a very nice little town. A redeeming quality about our stay at the EG was that the food was really great. The price of the room included breakfast and dinner which were skillfully and deliciously prepared...and they accommodated my vegetariansm which was great. The rooms and the bathroom were just not clean by Swiss standards and the place itself seemed to be in some need of repair.


Eiger(elevation 3970 m = 13025 ft), Mönch(4099 m = 13448 ft) and Jungfrau(4158 m = 13642 ft)


Picture of the snowy tain station from our room window


Lovely waterfall taken from Lauterbrunen

Still to come!

5. Bern
6. Annecy, France with Pierre and Fabienne Castori and children
7. Lausanne (Ouchy, Montreux, Chillion)
8. Geneva
9. Lucerne
10. Zoug